Fish
Wielder
J.R.R.R
(Jim) Hardison
YA
Epic Fantasy
Fish
Wielder Series (Book 1)
Publisher:
Fiery Seas Publishing, LLC
August
23, 2016
Book
Description:
Fish
Wielder is kind of like Lord of the Rings, set in Narnia,
if it was written by the guys who made Monty Python and the Holy
Grail while they were listening to the music of They Might
Be Giants.
In
ancient times, the Dark Lord Mauron cooked the most powerful magic
chocolate dessert ever made, the Pudding of Power.
One
thousand and two years later, the evil leader of the Bad
Religion, the Heartless One, is trying to recover the lost pudding in
order to enslave the peoples of Grome. Only the depressed barbarian
warrior Thoral Might Fist and his best friend, Brad the talking Koi
fish, have a chance to save the world of Grome from destruction, but
that's going to take a ridiculous amount of magic and mayhem.
Thus
begins the epically silly epic fantasy of epic proportions, Fish
Wielder—book one of the Fish Wielder Trilogy.
Excerpt:
“Come
on, pal. Let’s get out of here,” Brad suggested, fanning himself
with a fin. “We’ll
fight
a monster or go on a quest or steal the jeweled eye from an idol or
something. It’ll be fun.”
“My
heart is too…” Thoral trailed off. “What is that word that
means when something
has
substantial weight?”
“Heavy,”
the fish supplied. Thoral always had trouble remembering that one.
“Heavy.
Yes. My heart is too heavy for adventure,” Thoral complained.
“Well,
maybe if we pick something really hard, you’ll get killed,” the
fish offered.
“A
hero’s death?” Thoral asked, perking up just a bit.
“Yeah,
sure. A hero’s death.”
“And
then I couldst be done with this world,” Thoral murmured.
“Exactly,”
Brad affirmed.
“Then
let us go,” Thoral said, “this very instant.” He slammed his
drink down on the
table
so hard that some of the ale sloshed out of the tankard, splashing at
the fish. The koi danced
back,
just missing a soaking.
“Up
to bed first and we’ll hit the road in the morning,” Brad
countered, stepping around
the
puddle of spilled drink.
“No,
we will leave now.” There was a dangerous edge to the warrior’s
tone that drew the
attention
of everyone in the room even though he had not raised his voice. The
bar went silent.
“Look,
Thoral,” the koi answered, “it’s getting late. I’m tired.
You’re drunk. We could
both
use some sleep. Let’s not make a rash decision that might lead to
all kinds of unexpected
complications.”
Every
eye turned to see the barbarian’s reaction.
“We
will leave now,” Thoral insisted. The warrior and the fish stared
at each other.
“Be
reasonable,” Brad tried again. “Just give me one good reason why
we shouldn’t wait
until
morning.”
“We
will leave now,” the barbarian declared, “because I
am Thoral Mighty Fist!”
Everyone
gasped. Brad sagged, defeated. Once Thoral noted that he was Thoral,
there
was
no point in arguing further. Everyone knew it. That’s just how it
was.
Book
Videos:
Fish
Wielder Praise:
“This
is one wild romp! I'm not sure I've seen such preposterously
determined critic-baiting parody since Xanth or Asprin's
Myth-Begotten series. I recommend it to anyone.” ―Piers
Anthony, New York Times Bestselling Author
"Fast,
fun, fantastic! Fish Wielder is hilarious and unpredictable, like a
drunk bear playing whack-a-mole." ―Logan J. Hunder,
author of Witches Be Crazy
"A
great time. Fast and funny, it races along in a self-aware tone that
should appeal to anyone who loves fantasy but has ever found
themselves thinking, huh, that was a little melodramatic." ―Clay
Johnson, author of OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD (Ravenswood Publishing,
2016)
About
the Author:
Fish
Wielder is J.R.R.R. (Jim) Hardison's first novel novel (He wrote a
graphic novel, The Helm, for Dark Horse Comics). Jim has worked as a
writer, screen writer, animator and film director. He started his
professional career by producing a low-budget direct-to-video feature
film, The Creature From Lake Michigan. Making a bad movie can be a
crash course in the essential elements of good character and story,
and The Creature From Lake Michigan was a tremendously bad movie.
Shifting his focus entirely to animation, Jim joined Will Vinton
Studios where he directed animated commercials for M&M’s and on
the stop-motion TV series Gary and Mike. While working at Vinton, he
also co-wrote the television special Popeye's Voyage: The Quest for
Pappy with actor Paul Reiser.
Jim has appeared on NBC's The Apprentice as an expert advisor on brand characters, developed characters and wrote the pilot episode for the PBS children's television series SeeMore's Playhouse and authored the previously mentioned graphic novel, The Helm, named one of 2010's top ten Great Graphic Novels for Teens by YALSA, a branch of the American Library Association. These days, Jim is the creative director and co-owner of Character LLC, a company that does story-analysis for brands and entertainment properties. He lives in Portland, Oregon with his lovely wife, two amazing kids, one smart dog and one stupid dog.
Jim has appeared on NBC's The Apprentice as an expert advisor on brand characters, developed characters and wrote the pilot episode for the PBS children's television series SeeMore's Playhouse and authored the previously mentioned graphic novel, The Helm, named one of 2010's top ten Great Graphic Novels for Teens by YALSA, a branch of the American Library Association. These days, Jim is the creative director and co-owner of Character LLC, a company that does story-analysis for brands and entertainment properties. He lives in Portland, Oregon with his lovely wife, two amazing kids, one smart dog and one stupid dog.
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