Cemetery
Highway
Hamish
Robert Johnson
Genre:
YA Paranormal Romance
ISBN:1499520247
ASIN:
B00K7JUAA4
Number
of pages: 187
Cover
Artist: D. Thomas Magee
Book
Description:
Cemetery
Highway is a rollicking tale of fame, friendship and falls from
grace, set in a world where zombies are the elite and humans are the
underclass.
Best
friends Dexter, Michelle, Penny and Cakes have started a group called
the Anti Zombie Alliance and plan on sticking it to the zombies once
and for all. But when zombie big-wig Max convinces the suave Dexter
to trade his standards for stardom, things get ugly.
Excerpt:
MICHELLE
It
is said that becoming a zombie is inevitable. Either we get attacked,
or we sell out and take the Package, but sooner or later we all
become zombies. I, for one, have never seen the advantage of aligning
myself with a large group of any kind, certainly not one hell bent on
human cranial carnage.
Sure,
they have all the power and wealth, but take a look at their
lifestyle. Zombies work 100 hours a week, and yes they do make a lot
of money, but what do they spend it on? A nice car that they only use
to drive to work, and expensive clothes to wear there. They have no
time to enjoy themselves, or their all-important wealth. And they
don’t even have love, because a zombie can only have whom he loved
in life. To find love after the change had always been considered
impossible. Oh, and they eat peoples brains. I tell you, it can
really test my faith in the world.
Because
of the current economy, more and more humans are taking the Package.
This means they sell their humanity to the Zombie Corporation in
exchange for zombie wealth and servitude. As a human I’ve always
found this to be terribly disappointing, but it is not without its
advantages. Current Zombie Corporate standards have put a stop to any
unauthorized kills, which means that all kills must be ordered by the
King. With the reduced number of savage zombie predators out and
about, the streets are safer to walk than ever before, and I have
long been an advocate for human safety and self-defense. Which brings
me to the start of the story. This is the night when everything
changed.
I
was out celebrating with my three very best friends. We had been
close for so long that I began to wonder if our bond had become more
of a habit than anything else. But that’s beside the point. We’d
recently formed a group called the Anti- Zombie Alliance, and we were
holding our first fundraising event at a cruddy bar in downtown
Industry. And I mean maximum cruddiness. There were tacky neon beer
advertisements, sticky carpet and a musty smell that clings to you
like a stray cat. And I’m told the men’s bathroom was just a
trough of ice. Self-flushing maybe? Who knows, some questions a lady
knows better than to ask.
I
was sitting behind a desk with my best friend and Alliance
co-founder, Penny Farthing, handing out brochures and stickers to the
guests. The stickers had our name and slogan, “Life, it’s always
worth the wait.” We really believed in the cause we were fighting
for, because the zombies have had it too good for too long. I didn’t
realize it as a kid, or maybe I did and just didn’t see the
significance or implications, but they really do own and run
EVERYTHING. And they don’t care about us humans at all, so we
decided to stand up for ourselves. By we, I mean Penny, her
ex-boyfriend Dexter, Cakes, and me. My name is Michelle Fernside and
coincidentally enough this night was my 18th birthday.
Dexter
was performing on stage as the evening’s musical entertainment. He
did kind of a one-man show where he used programmed electronic music
on his laptop and played electric guitar and sung over it. He was
good, too. We always said that he would make it big if he could just
get that all-important break.
Anyway,
the guy has charisma, and bags of it. Every time he would spin or
shake his hips, which was pretty frequently, all the girls in the
crowd would swoon. Myself included. And he kept making eyes at me and
smiling while singing his beautiful lyrics. I made eyes right back at
him, which made me feel excited and nervous. I was trying to be
subtle because I didn’t want to upset Penny, but seriously, Dexter
has always been my cup of tea. He had a perfectly tapered short Afro
that he combed meticulously, and really took pride in his appearance.
I always admired that. Even when he had no money at all, he would buy
silk ties from the Salvation Army for next to nothing and wear them
in such a way that he would look like he had just taken the Package.
But on this night he had no tie to speak of. Actually he was covered
with no shirt at all, just sweat dripping over the tattoos on his
smooth brown chest. I felt guilty just for looking, but it was a good
kind of guilt. Exciting, you know? Like I was getting away with
something naughty.
Speaking
of naughty, I was surprised to notice that Penny was drinking
something other than a soda. “Penny Farthing, what are you
drinking?”
“Wine,”
she said matter-of-factly. She took another sip then smiled at me.
“This is a bar, Mishy.” Of course she was right. I had never been
a drinker, but why should I look at my friend differently for doing
what one does in such an establishment? “Want a sip?” she asked
me. “It’s your birthday,” she said teasingly. I smiled and
nodded. She poured me a healthy glass of burgundy liquid and I took
my first sip. It was not as acrid as I expected. Quite pleasant,
actually. Fruity, in fact.
“How
many of these have you had?”
“What?
Tonight?” Her giddy laugh indicated that she’s had a few. I took
a big swig and Penny topped off my glass. She splashed a bit on the
white tablecloth, but it was still the cleanest thing in here.
Penny
turned to me and smiled. “I think he likes you.”
I
was a bit taken aback. “Really?” I said. “Dexter?” I
immediately regretted saying his name, because I was well aware of
their romantic history, and the fact that she was not yet over him.
“No,
Cakes,” she said without missing a beat.
It
had been quite obvious to me for a while that Cakes was into me but I
just didn’t feel that way about him. The funny thing is, if he had
not been so obviously interested I’m sure I would have liked him
more. But the fact that he made it so clear left no mystery for me.
No place for my mind to wander, and this girl’s mind loves to
wander. And also, I had never really been like that with guys before.
I mean, I’d kissed a boy here and there, but it was all very
innocent. In those situations I always felt like a kid trying on
adulthood and walking around the store to see how it felt, before
returning to my natural state. The idea of officially being in a
relationship with someone, of having an actual boyfriend made me feel
very
self-conscious.
I guess I was nervous about letting go of the final strands of my
childhood.
“Oh,
really? Cakes? Does he now?” I said, averting my eyes from Dexter.
“Because if you’re not into him,” Penny continued, “I could
totally see he and I…” Cakes bumbled over and interrupted.
“I
don’t know why he left our band for this,” he said. “This has
no chance of going anywhere at all. Right?” He folded his arms,
screwed up his nose and watched Dexter’s performance with scrutiny.
“Not a chance.”
“I
don’t know, Cakes. The girls seem to like it,” Penny said.
“Whatever.
Who wants to play for a room full of girls anyway?” Cakes snorted.
“Not you, apparently,” I quipped.
Cakes’s
real name is Patrick Baker. Dexter used to think it was hilarious to
call him Patty Cakes Baker, and over time I guess the name Cakes just
stuck. It could have been worse though, he could have been called
Patty. Anyway, Cakes was quite good looking, actually. Not handsome
per se, but definitely good looking enough to be one of the “other
guys”
in
a boy band. I always joked that he looked like he’d just fallen out
of a cheap fashion catalogue, wet brown floppy hair and all. Why some
guys have perpetually wet hair, I’ll never know.
“Wait.”
Penny turned to me. “Why did you think I meant Dexter?”
I froze, clamped my hands together and looked down at my black
kitten heels.
“Oh,
no reason.”
.jpg)
About
the Author:
I
grew up in Melbourne Australia and was fortunate enough to have a
relatively unexciting childhood. After high school I attended film
school at Deakin University, and while making the requisite
pretentious art projects I discovered I had a knack for writing
dialogue. In short, I wanted to be the next Quentin Tarantino.
After
film school I put my passion asside and began an hilarious and
relatively short lived culinary career. Quickly rising up the ranks,
I found myself cooking in some of Australia’s finest restaurants
and finishing a 3 year apprenticeship in 18 months. It was in these
hellish kitchens that I rediscovered my love for quirky, dirty,
flirty characters, which again stoked my desire for writing and the
arts.
Upon
hearing The Strokes for the first time, and with absolutely no
preparation whatsoever I moved to New York City in 2003. I was once
more surrounded by a bevy of interesting folks, inundating me with
stories of hardship, romance and hope. How one cannot find
inspiration in this city was beyond me. What was also beyond me was
the ability to generate an income, so I hopped on the Greyhound with
the little money I had left and got as far away as I could.
Austin
Texas was my next port of call. Upon arriving I had a mere $40 to my
name, but coupled with the attitude of a fearless traveler I was
invincible. I quickly finagled a job, a room in a Revenge of the
Nerds style college housing situation and the prominent position as
lead guitarist in The Handsome Charlies.
I
wouldn’t say I was a great guitarist, but I certainly knew how to
act like one, and as we were sharing bills with The Black Angels and
Ghostland Observatory I could be excused for thinking that I too
would make it. But after a particularly ghastly SXSW performance I
found myself standing in the parking lot listening to The Strokes
perform “Is this it?” across the road. “No it is not”, I
answered, and declared that I would return to writing and not
continue to get distracted by flashier pursuits.
I
commenced writing screenplays, pilots and web series like a madman
and have not slowed down since. I now have multiple screenplays in
various stages of development, and have completed my first novel. And
I am here to stay!
No comments:
Post a Comment